So much to fill you in on from the beautiful place by the sea. It feels like summer camp here. I remember my mother dropping me off at Camp Carter for the week in the summers. I’d play, create and swim all day long returning to my cabin at night looking like Peanut’s Pig Pen and sticky from the ice cream that melted down my hands. If the camp counselor didn’t make us shower before bed, I’d fall into my bunk dirty and sound asleep within minutes without a care in the world – except wondering if they were going to have pancakes for breakfast.
I am an adult version of that right now. I describe it as a “good tired.” My body aches, but my mind is free of worry. While my to-do list rarely gets completely finished, I am reminding myself that I have tomorrow. For the first time in years, I am easily falling asleep and waking refreshed and ready to face the day.
Just a few weeks ago, I struggled to answer the question, “Are you having so much fun?” Looking back I realize now the significance of leaving a longtime career and my friends behind for something completely unfamiliar with just a few days to shift from my former life to a new one. I felt like I had been thrown into the deep end of the water, paddling to find a ledge to hang onto. Some days I wondered if I made the wrong decision, and if I am honest, there were a few brief seconds I thought about getting into my car, leaving all my possessions behind, and calling from the road to say that I couldn’t do this.
I don’t feel that way now. I know it was grounded in fear. Fear of failure. Fear of not being perfect. Fear of disappointing Laurence and Glen. The fear I’d be sent home. A fear I oversold my capabilities. Fear is what stops us from moving forward toward success. As soon as most people begin to experience these emotions they immediately stop trying to achieve their dreams. It’s painful to ‘feel’ so we make it easy on ourselves to avoid putting ourselves into uncomfortable situations. Fear of disappointing others is deeply rooted in our childhood. We’ve all experienced the shame we’ve felt when we saw our parents’ faces after we spilled our milk, broke a vase, made a bad grade, or told a lie.
I am trying to leave “the perfect” behind me. I have daily talks with myself about letting go of shame and perfectionism, and just “be.” As a perfectionist, anything less than exactness is a challenge. Fortunately, I have two really supportive coaches guiding me. I can feel the growth coming from not getting it right the first time. Regardless if I fail or succeed, I am anchoring myself to the goal of learning, and the perspective that being less than perfect is absolutely a success!
Hospitality is in my DNA. I founded Home with a Twist, a daughter’s twist on her mother’s traditions, in memory of my mother to celebrate her life and the gifts she shared with me. Mother loved to celebrate life’s occasions – big and small.
